Writing full reviews take way too long. And you have to think about them. And you have to have the ability to construct proper paragraphs. All things which I, and clearly a few others struggle with. Through our twitter account Blueprint: Review staff and friends tweet Haiku reviews of the films they see, and here is the place to see them in all their tiny, perfectly formed forms (with only the slightest tenuousness acceptable syllabic count).

If you want to be updated throughout the month, then please follow our Twitter account @blueprintrev, and please feel free to tweet your own Haiku reviews (don't forget #haikureview) and we'll keep an eye out for them and re-tweet them; and of course post the best ones on this site.

@blueprintrev

Damien Beedham:

SUBMARINE
Nostalgia in Wales
Wes Anderson style is a
Promising debut

YOU WILL MEET A TALL DARK STRANGER
Meeting a stranger
Tall and Dark would be better
Than Woody's latest

ADJUSTMENT BUREAU
Adjustment Bureau?
Free will or determinism?
Love wins in the end

Chris Matic:

ARMAGEDDON
Early promise fades
Bay's effects stunt deep story
Big rock goes KA-BOOM

BOTTLE ROCKET
No budget starter
Loses steam halfway in but
Wilson Brothers shine

RUSHMORE
Poor Max, king of clubs
Schwartzman captures schoolboy dreams
Murray's come back on

THE ROYAL TENNENBAUMS
Star cast underplays
Family with lots to say
But cannot find words

LIFE AQUATIC
Funny tale by Wes
With sad Bill Murray as Steve
Hunting 'jaguar shark'

THE DARJEELING LIMITED
Indulgent train trip
By brothers and Anderson
Joke now wears thin Wes

FANTASTIC MR FOX
Dahl film not for kids
Wes still in love with his past
But star cast look good

@dave_or_did

BOLT
Cute animal cast
With usual Disney sheen
Equals simple fun

BLACK DYNAMITE
The seventies live
Jokes and fights come thick and fast
For much bad-ass fun

@shooting_fish

HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON
Dragons are evil?
Crap Viking discovers truth
Dragons are awesome!

CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS
People are hungry
Crazy kid makes it rain food
Monkey saves the day

@DarrenLeeBolton

THE READER
A paedo nazi
Are we really meant to care?
Rot in prison, bitch!

BEVERLEY HILLS CHIHUAHUA
Talking animals
They'll make any film better
More films should learn this!

AWAY WE GO
Middle class couple
Meet irritating people
And make me self-harm

TRUE GRIT
Quite a flawless film
Couldn't understand Bridges
But I still loved it

NEVER LET ME GO
Slightly pretentious
But doesnt harm it's beauty
Carey is awesome

RANGO
Two thirds brilliant
Shame about the middle act
Way too generic!

Best on Twitter

@dirtyvicar

YOGI BEAR
Answers the question:
“Does a bear sh*t in the woods?”
Yes. It looks like this.

INSIDE JOB
A time capsule for
future generations to
see how we got f—ed

TALES FROM EARTHSEA
Miyazaki’s son,
not as Spirited as Pops
A rare Ghibli dud

THE FIGHTER
Heavyweight actors
pack the proverbial punch,
and you’ll be knocked out

HEREAFTER
Some fine acting saves
this maudlin meditation
on living with death

@stullberg

SUCKER PUNCH
Wish I were so bank
That Warner Bros would finance
My teenage wet dreams

SPLICE
Horror dissected
Shows how we build our own mons--
OH GOD HE FUCKED IT

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