DATE MOVIE

Director: Jason Friedburg/Aaron Seltzer
Writers: Jason Friedburg/Aaron Seltzer
Producers: Jason Friedburg/Aaron Seltzer/Jack L. Murray/Paul Schiff
Starring: Alyson Hannigan/Eddie Griffin/Jennifer Coolidge/Adam Campbell
Year: 2006
Country: US/Canada
BBFC Certification: 12
Duration: 83 minutes

Julia Jones is unhappy. She’s overweight, spends forever working at her fathers diner, and believes she will always be lonely. This is until she meets Grant Fockyerdoder. Before they can have their dream wedding, they must meet each others parents and survive the scheming Andy.

Date Movie was created by the two of the six writers of Scary Movie (Jason Friedburg and Aaron Seltzer) and it’s quite hard to believe they took part of Scary Movie because this wasn’t really funny at all. The story is seriously lame, it just didn’t work at all, it was like having your teeth being pulled out one-by-one. The acting was absolutely horrible except for Alyson Hannigan, which isn’t saying much because she was the only one who could actually act. The characters are made to be dumb and stupid just for cheap laughs but failed. The ‘jokes’ and the ‘funny’ scenes were absolutely awful (maybe except for one or two scenes) and actually made you feel embarrassed for the actors who had to endure this heap of trash. The worst thing about the movie is the writing, how can anyone write something so bad? I didn’t think it was possible!

I wonder if the two of the six ‘writers’ of Scary Movie actually took part in Scary Movie because that was a hell of a lot funnier than this. Believe it or not, this is actually their best movie out of the four they’ve done on their own. I find it weird because I have a brilliant sense of humour, I can find something funny in the worst comedy movies but this was just not that funny.

This would probably be entertaining for 10 year olds but for those who are older, you’ll probably won’t like it

EPIC MOVIE

Director: Jason Friedburg/Aaron Seltzer
Writers: Jason Friedburg/Aaron Seltzer
Producers: Paul Schiff
Starring: Jayma Mays/David Carradine/Jennifer Coolidge/Adam Campbell
Year: 2007
Country: US/Canada
BBFC Certification: 12
Duration: 85 minutes

When Edward, Peter, Lucy and Susan each follow their own path, they end up finding themselves at Willy’s Chocolate factory. Walking through a wardrobe, they discover the world of Gnarnia, which is ruled by the White Bitch. Meeting up with characters such as Harry Potter and Captain Jack Swallows, the newly reunited family must team up with Aslo, a wise-but-horny lion to stop the army of the White Bitch.

So two of the six writers of Scary Movie (as we keep on being reminded in the trailers so we don’t forget) have come up with another ‘parody’ movie, but is it really necessary? The story is awful and lacks just about everything. The characters are made to be dumb for cheap laughs (yet again), the acting is a joke as none of the cast could act if their very lives depended on it and the direction was torturous. The worst part is the jokes and the funny scenes, they weren’t even funny at all. There really is nothing to review since the whole movie is just a joke.

I watch these movies to see whether it can get any worse and they do. I still can’t believe they were involved with the Scary Movie series. Epic Movie is nothing more than a comedy that anyone below the age of five would find funny. Terrible.

Epic Movie should be renamed to Epic Fail, Buy Revia Online Pharmacy No Prescription Needed it’s a better title and it fits the movie.

MEET THE SPARTANS

Director: Jason Friedburg/Aaron Seltzer
Writers: Jason Friedburg/Aaron Seltzer
Producers: Jason Friedburg/Aaron Seltzer/Peter Safran
Starring: Sean Maguire/Carmen Electra/Method Man/Nicole Parker
Year: US/Canada
Country: 2008
BBFC Certification: 12
Duration: 83 minutes

Born to be the perfect Spartan, Leonidas faces numerous trials to becoming a man, including a face-off with a penguin. Once he has proven himself, Leonidas not only becomes king, but also marries superhot (and slightly slutty) Margot. When Leonidas learns that Persia’s King Xerxes plans to make Sparta his own, he has his captain recruit Sparta’s finest and prepare them for battle against invading Persian forces.

Meet the Spartans is from, yeah you guessed it, two of the six writers of Scary Movie and yet again fails to get one giggle. The story is yet again stupid, the acting is horrible, the characters are yet again made to be stupid for cheap laughs, the writing is awful…I can’t honestly say a good thing about it. This makes any rubbish movie out there look like the best movie.

I watched this with an open mind since the last two movies they made by themselves were awful, I was hoping and praying that this would be at least watchable. Alas, it wasn’t and the two writers still can’t write any good or new material and they still disappoint. I wonder if they sat down with a pad and pen and said “What movie could we make that hasn’t been done before?” and the other said “How about we make stupid characters, make them have a dance-off, get Carmen Electra again playing a slutty character and we could make pop references in random places that have nothing to do with the movie. I’m sure we didn’t do that in the last two movies.”, “…it’s genius!”…hmm, that’s probably how the conversation went. Three down, one more to go.

I can’t believe how two men could ruin one genre! Utter trash! Avoid this like you would avoid the plague!

DISASTER MOVIE

Director: Jason Friedburg/Aaron Seltzer
Writers: Jason Friedburg/Aaron Seltzer
Producers: Jason Friedburg/Aaron Seltzer/Peter Safran
Starring: Matt Lanter/Vanessa Minnillo/Nicole Parker/Carmen Electra
Year: 2008
Country: US/Canada
BBFC Certification: 12
Duration: 87 minutes

Over the course of one evening, an unsuspecting group of twenty-somethings find themselves bombarded by a series of natural disasters and catastrophic events.

Yes, yet again, the famous duo who has wrecked a whole genre between the pair of them as they have returned for their latest movie, Disaster Movie. There is literally nothing here to review. The story doesn’t exist, there is literally no story at all, it’s nowhere to be seen. The characters were yet again stupid for humour and yet again they failed to make anyone laugh. The writers have written nothing but an unfunny sketch show that lasts for a dire hour and a half. The jokes and ‘funny’ scenes weren’t anywhere near funny. The acting was awful and the characters were just pop and movie references and wasn’t shy about it either. The only character that almost got a smile from me was Juno or “Juney” as she is called in this atrocious movie. Basically, I’m just repeating what I’ve said for the other three movies they’ve made.

Disaster Movie is without a doubt the worst movie I have ever seen. I felt like I was having my eyes poked repetitively while being set on fire and that was only in the first five minutes. Friedburg and Seltzer have no clue how to write anything or how to make any kind of movie. I think they have a contest between themselves to see whether they can make a movie crappier than the last, I think this time they’ve really done it because it officially can’t get any worse.

Friedburg and Seltzer, do us all a favour and STOP MAKING THESE ABOMINATIONS!

Reviews by Dazz Camponi

About The Author

My name is Darren Camponi and I run a website called Darren Camponi which can be seen here: http://innersanctumreviews.wordpress.com/

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