Another installment of Trailer Story – where we save you the hassle of actually going to the cinema by figuring out the plot just from the trailer. You’re welcome. This week – Final Destination, Part Whatever.
Survivors of a suspension-bridge collapse learn there’s no way you can cheat Death.
Well well… This trailer story is actually a bit of a cheat as the Final Destination films have a clear set up (cheat Death, Death come finds you anyway – pesky Death). The suspense of the films centres around knowing they’re going to die and waiting for the gruesome and surprising gore and guts scenes (IN 3D NONE THE LESS) and this trailer seems to give us a few too many clues as to how they all meet their timely ends… Let’s have a look shall we?
Ok – so the bridge collapses but just before that happens our hero, Peter (Miles Fischer (no, i’ve no idea who he is either)) rescues some folks, warning them it will happen. How did he know, I hear you cry? HE HAD A VISION
01:02 Nice newslady broadcasting from a funeral; “Authorities are calling the bridge collapse a freak act of nature.”
Hansome male lead; “It’s natural causes?”
Pretty girl they put glasses on just so they can do the laser eye surgery death later; “Yeah, more like supernatural”
And the screenplay Academy Award goes to…
Seriously though, what kind of ‘natural’ act would cause a bridge to collapse, aside from a hurricane/earthquake etc? If the premise of the film is they all cheat their proper death why can’t the accident they escape from be just that? What is supernatural about poor construction or inferior building materials? Why would the news report say the collapse of a MAN MADE structure is an act of NATURE?? I’m confused.
Ok – so at this point the trailer basically turns into a massive montage of special effects. The story seems to be quite typical of the Final Destination series: mysterious guy comes along to conveniently explain that you can’t cheat Death (damn Death – does he EVER take a day off?) blah blah, you’re all going to die in increasingly strange and gruesome ways, blah blah.
DEATH DOESN’T LIKE TO BE CHEATED! In case you weren’t sure the nice mysterious man make sure to tell us that as often as he can squeeze it in. One by one, Death comes for them all – which in this instance includes:
Pretty girl in glasses
Black guy (of course)
Another vaguely handsome guy
Another vaguely pretty dark haired girl
So, lets have a look how they’re going to die:
01:23 Vaguely cute boy gets some acupuncture – they can’t go wrong, can it?
DEATH DECIDES HOW
01:30 Black guy and a massive metal hook in a poorly managed machinery place (he’s not even wearing a helmet, I mean, health and safety guys!)
FATE DECIDES WHEN
01:40 Tense scenes as gymnast girl does some jumpy twirly bits (yeah, I don’t follow gymnastics) but there’s a dirty sharp screw just waiting for her to fall on and hurt herself. I’m not quite sure how this might kill her – septicemia?
YOU DECIDE WHO
Wait, what? I decide? Well, this is new. Where’s mysterious dude to explain this to me?
01:47 There he is. According to him I can send a substitute to Death – it seems Death doesn’t care who he gets as long as he gets the require number of souls. Maybe his boss is on at him about his weekly numbers, targets are getting higher, performance related pay is pushing him to overwork, the wife wants another baby – he keeps telling her two is plenty but she really wants a little girl, but Death just wants a quiet life collecting the damned. Poor Death. Better sweep these kids up fast.
But this is new – instead of trying to just avoid Death they can kill someone else and live. Interesting… If they kill someone they “get their life”.
Cue about 20-30 seconds of action, action, action. Lots of people screaming, clinging on for dear life and such with the added bonus of now we don’t know if they’re killing each other/strangers or not.
02:10 Do you know what I would do if i was trying to cheat my inevitable death, hide from the Grim Reaper himself and live out my life on the borrowed time I had left? I’d get laser eye surgery. I would. As would pretty girl in specs.
Yeah, that’s not going to end badly. Oh… wait.
Yeah, that about sums it up. Basically, with the added ‘twist’ of them being able to swap their death for someone else, this will pan out like all the others in that they’re all going to die in horrific and violent ways. Maybe this time they’ll die at the hands of one another but none the less, they’re goners – this film would have actually been kinda surprising if they’d kept this fact secret… but no, they went and gave the game away. I actually think they’ll keep some of the death scenes secret (we don’t see Peter/hero’s death at all in the trailer) so he might even survive – does this mean they break the curse (or whatever it was) and they’ll stop making these films? Or will they add the extra dimension of serial killing to Final Destination 6? I can’t wait.
It’s out on Friday 26th August in 3D (expect sharp things to fly at you. All. The. Time.)