Here are the latest batch of stupendous haikus of the latest releases and whatever's given us the urge while we've been at home - it's battle of the X-Men First class this time; our take on the rap-off!

If you want to be updated throughout the month, then please follow our Twitter account @blueprintrev, and please feel free to tweet your own Haiku reviews (don't forget #haikureview) and we'll keep an eye out and re-tweet them; and of course post the best ones on this site.

@blueprintrev

HAPPY GO LUCKY (Laura Kavanagh)
Poppy's bike stolen,
Slice of unique life follows.
Thoughtful, uplifting

VIEW TO A KILL (Chris Matic)
In his last outing,
Horses and silicon chips
Leave you wanting Moore

OCTOPUSSY (Chris Matic)
With dodgy hair piece
'Todger' Moore takes on Berkoff
Clowns and 'Pussy here!

THE SPY WHO LOVED ME (Chris Matic)
Patriotic 'chute;
Barbara Bach & Jaws, the plot?
I can't remember

TRANSFORMERS THE MOVIE - 1986 (Chris Matic)
Rocking 80s tunes
With BIG characters killed off
Best film ever? Yes.

CRIMSON TIDE (Chris Matic)
Tense and engrossing,
Hackman and Washington shine.
This is not 'sub' par

THE SORCERER'S APPRENTICE (Chris Matic)
Nervous Jewish boy
Takes on a Mickey Mouse role.
Disney turns in grave

X MEN: FIRST CLASS (Chris Matic)
Fantastic prequel
Sets the background that Star Wars
Couldn't do in 3

X MEN 3: LAST STAND (Chris Matic)
The backstage changes
And off screen butchering mean
The parties over

X2 (Chris Matic)
More mutant mischief
With a great dramatic core
X-men geeks go mad

X MEN (Chris Matic)
Picard & Gandalf
Add weight to the adventure
Grounded in the real

ANTICHRIST (Roger Santen)
Pretntious cunt helms,
The cuts make me want to kill.
I liked the fox though!

@darrenleebolton

3 COLOURS BLUE
Slight, but beautiful.
Donnie Darko stole the end!
But which sequel's best?

MADE IN DAGENHAM
Under-dog template,
In use since The Full Monty,
In full, shit force here!

FAST FIVE
Decent action scenes,
But doesn't know it's stupid
And plays it too straight!

PIRATES 4: ON STRANGER TIDES
Don't know why I went.
I even hated the first.
Can't wait for 5 though!

@shooting_fish

MILK
America hates gays!
Sensitive and genuine;
Penn and Franco shine

HANGOVER PART II
Awful, awful film.
2 hours of my life wasted,
Despite the monkey

@dave_or_did

X-MEN FIRST CLASS
Bland and flat prequel,
had it's moments but too few
to be interesting

Our favourite (other) Haiku Reviewer

@dirtyvicar

UNKNOWN
It’s just another
amnesia thriller you are
likely to forget.

ADJUSTMENT BUREAU
Damon, Blunt smolder
Solid, though its ending needs
*ahem* adjustment.

RED RIDING HOOD
Twilight dressed in Red.
Even the wolf might struggle
with swallowing this.

JUST GO WITH IT
Misogynistic
drivel; the title asks too
much of the viewer.

X-MEN FIRST CLASS
Mutant origins
Fassbender is magnetic
Nothing else X-cites

 

2 Responses

  1. dee

    I love this nervous jewish boy crap. Apparently Jay Baruchel, who has just one single sole Jewish grandparent, playing the role in The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, makes both Baruchel AND the character he plays “Jewish” (you guys must be excellent genealogists of fictional characters). Yet full-blooded Jew Logan Lerman playing the lead in the very similar movie Percy Jackson does not. (by this standard, since Lerman is four times as Jewish as Baruchel, it would presumably make Percy Jackson an Orthodox Rabbi).

    Yet, I know, it’s just a joke, haha, hilarious. But you wouldn’t make that joke about Lerman in Percy Jackson, would ya? that’s the point.

    Reply

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