Here is the third instalment of all our, our friends, and random peoples Haikus that grace the wonders of Twitter. Not much from us at Review but Dave went Haiku mental!

If you want to be updated throughout the month, then please follow our Twitter account @blueprintrev, and please feel free to tweet your own Haiku reviews (don't forget #haikureview) and we'll keep an eye out and re-tweet them; and of course post the best ones on this site.

@blueprintrev

LIMITLESS (Chris Matic)
Bradley Cooper shows
That by doing films like this
His career has limits

HOT ROD (Chris Matic)
Zany Daredevil
Who does some 'Jackass'-like stunts
Gives us some great laughs

@darrenleebolton

SUBMARINE
Shit Rushmore rip-off
So desperate to be quirky
Complete tonal mess

LES ADVENTURES EXTRAODINAIRE DE ADELE BLANK-SEC
A fantasy film
Lots go on, nothing happens
Interesting tone though

MILK
Van Sant's gay drama,
And I mean that literally.
Penn's incredible

@shooting_fish

COUPLES RETREAT
Why did I watch this?
Painfully predictable
Unfunny, boring.

WALL STREET
Charlie, what happened?
Tense, manly power struggle
Hasn't dated so well.

MEAN GIRLS
Pre meltdown Lohan
Funky, sassy bitch movie
Tina Fey triumphs

THE DEPARTED
Genuinely tense
Good old fashioned thriller
Star turn from Damon.

PREDATOR
Ain't got time to bleed
Arnie can't act for toffee
Awesome trash action.

@dave_or_did

THOR
Kenneth's hammer time
Solid tone masks flimsy plot
Good old fashioned fun

WATER FOR ELEPHANTS
Bland corny writing
Kept afloat by its actors
Uninspiring stuff

I'M STILL HERE
Bold experiment
Ends up being a big mess
Curious yet dull

THE GENERAL
Keaton saves the day
In an early action film
Total brilliance

SHOWDOWN IN LITTLE TOKYO
Lundgren and Brandon
Non stop action and wise cracks
Best movie ever

THE FEARLESS FREAKS
The Flaming Lips star
In a warts and all rock doc
Frank yet inspiring

GINGER SNAPS
Fresh take on old tale
Teen girls have lots of problems
Made me squirm not jump

THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE WEIRD
Action packed mayhem
A little on the long side
Yet still loads of fun

LES BICHES
Women play mind games
Simple plot but music helps
Make gripping and tense

MONKEY BUSINESS
Chaos reigns supreme
In a Marx Brothers classic
Old gags still a blast

RESTREPO
Shows us war is hell
Not why we are at war though
Good but left me cold.

Our favourite (other) Haiku Reviewer

@dirtyvicar

WIN WIN
The film’s life lesson:
Do “whatever the f@#& it
takes.” Now, that’s winning.

THE GREEN HORNET
Seth Rogen fights crime?
More likely than his nailing
Katherine Heigl.

BLOW OUT
A blown tire, a mic
De Palma tries for his own
The Conversation.

INSIDIOUS
The Saw guy scores scares
sans his trademark torture porn,
just old-timey ghosts.

SCREAM 4
So much potential
Reboot script needed fresh blood
Psst! Irony’s dead

THE KING'S SPEECH
Hooper’s a thief but
Firth earned the Oscar on his
muh-muh-muh-mantel.

RABBIT HOLE
A symphony of
sadness, beautiful in its
bleakness. Note-perfect.

GULLIVER'S TRAVELS
A hackneyed update.
How did Blunt get in this mess?
Swift rolls in his grave.

 

4 Responses

  1. dirtyvicar

    Actually, the gerund should be preceded by a possessive. So technically, it should be “his nailing” rather than “him nailing.” Of course, I think I can safely say that my American audience would simply say, “What’s a gerund?” (Hint, Yanks: it’s the “-ing” word.)

    Reply
  2. Darren Bolton

    But wouldn’t that be “his nailing OF”…

    With you using the word gerund I’m going to concede 🙂

    I’ll change it back and promise not to do it again 🙂

    Reply

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